Overcoming Life
by KeppiexD
Summary: Once Edward left during New Moon, Bella never fully recovered, in her depression she committed suicide, leaving Jacob behind. Will Bella live on forever in the life of Jacob or is it time to let her go. No Victoria.
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone, this is first fan fiction for , I've only ever written a hand full of fan fiction over in but I thought to myself , I might give it a shot.

I do not own or possess any rights over Twilight, Meyer does.

Rated T

Summary: Once Edward left during New Moon, Bella never fully recovered, in her depression she committed suicide, leaving Jacob behind. Will Bella live on forever in the life of Jacob or is it time to let her go. No Victoria.

~Chapter 1 ~

Many people can say that waking up in the morning is the most excruciating chore of the day, I however beg to differ. Sleeping for I is perhaps my most prized routine. A slice of heaven you could almost suggest. I sleep in order to experience my precious dreams continuously. I dream of her, her sweetness and her absolute beauty with her eyes full of the life she still had remaining. I feel her in my arms whilst I rest, she speaks ever so sweet and I truly hear her tender voice despite all. It brings me to my knees.

I'm solemn man these days. The days and nights are a continuously cycle, merging together, I can say with pure honestly that I do not know what day it is or simply what time of hour it could possibly be. Because after the first two months of losing her, time rather didn't matter, what really mattered was that Bella was no longer here, not even for me.

Looking up at my fan and thinking of the beautiful and warm dream I just experienced, I can't help but wonder that perhaps "this is as good as it ever going to get"

'_knock knock_' My door greeted me.

Was it truly worth it, I'm still tossing up if am in a acceptable mood to speak with others.

'Jacob' The door pondered. The voice of my old man curiously and cautiously inquired from the other side.

Dad quickly catched on during the first few weeks, speaking was off limits, just the necessities, such as dinner or the pack needs you, which lately hasn't been a lot, in modern sense I'm thought of excess baggage, the lost depressed kid that works effortlessly. Despite that I'm no longer fussed, I never want to leave my room, especially my bed, where she once slumbered beside me after a long session in my garage. Her smell is wearing off and so am I.

'Can I come in son?' Father followed on, with a really obvious streak of caution in his voice, as if any word that he pronounces may spin me into limbo.

Ahh, not really, but if he must, I like to be alone these days, it's easier, talking about my problems was never my thing, only with her, she was my best-est friend.. Plus some more.

'Sure, I suppose' I grumbled with a morning croaked voice. It is in saying this I soon realized that I haven't spoken in what seems a series of lonely lifetimes. Have I truly been silenced this entire saddened period? My throat cried in pain from lack of routine.

The door creaked open in response, it took a few seconds for my father is gradually make an appearance in my gloomed and daft shaded room. Authors of novels that Bella would read would poetically describe my room as rather a tomb then a space of personal sanctuary, a cell in which only the light lurking is within the walls deeply stored in the strongest vaults. But that's dead now; Bella is gone so it's totally irrelevant.

"Ah, Jacob, the pack called in this morning, there's an immediate meeting. They need you." Billy spoke with an uncertain voice, shy almost.

What could they possibly want! If it's not something, it's always something else, why can't things stay safe? Despite that the pack, Sam especially, are so paranoid about the unrelated crises. Let's face it; the wolf-form shifting is powerless and protective less. If we were supposed to be able to protect, serve and support our loved ones and tribe then why did I fail to see Bella jump from that cliff on my own flipping turf while patrolling?

Sighing in defeat (Was there ever victory in this sort of situation anyway?) I rose to my feet, feeling all the blood ring out of my head, spinning me in small cluster of dizzy nausea, however this feeling was only too familiar to me by this stage. Scanning the room in its glorious filth, my eyes ventured for denim cut-off's or any of the sort. I was out of luck, it is in times like this that I revise myself that due to my father's condition that the house-keeping duties were bestowed upon me, thus the washing which was ominitley behind. Settling for a mud stained khaki pants I set off for the woods surrounding my shack.

*Shift* Out of Jacob's perspective.

Leah of course the standing out low-ranker with the serious attitude Mal-function was making her thought well heard.

Sam: _Settle it, I said calm it, everybody. ~emilyemilyemily~ I said can it Leah!_

Paul: _What's the urgency? I mean I have a ridiculously pregnant wife chomping at the bit on my commitments Sam! Make it snappy yeah? ~RachelRachelRachel~_

Sam: _Patience, Where is Jacob firstly? ~emilyemilyemily~_

Jared: _Always the downer! Also waiting on Jake, I swear his hinny in slowing down as much as his loyalty.~KimKimKim~_

Embry:_ Hey! Cool it off Jake put yourself in his fur for once.~SkylaSkylaSkyla~_

Jared:_ It's a little different buddy, I have a imprint, Jake don't._~KimKimKim~_ _

Embry: _And that's in the smallest difference, nothing you've felt for Rachel, Jake didn't feel for Bella, you have your imprint, Jake lost his love, you never know Jake may never imprint, it may have been the closest he would've had to an eternal partner. In his eyes, he did imprint on her._~SkylaSkylaSkyla~__

Quil: _Alright boys, I can hear him approaching.~ClareClareClare~_

Jacob's POV

And so enough their thoughts came louder and louder from mumbles to whispers, due to my lack of communication and loyalty has dimmed my connection to the pack, thus the telepathy between us is harder for me. My supernatural eyes exposed me to ever-green of the post rained forest, it was alive, glowing, the grass's mildew dampened my paws, it was beautiful at this time of year. I remember taking Bella on our hikes in this forest.

I prowled quicker, Sam's black wolf now visual behind a distant fern. In the small pace of a few three steps I was sucked into what felt like a force field of dimension. The thoughts of the other pack flooded my mind, clamping my eyes in surprise. The distance of connection has been reached on full strength.

Seth:_ Man, am I tired; being awaken in what could've been the only time for sleep in three days is not a mood bonus. Better be worth it is all I can say._

Colin:_ You know, you keeping it from us any longer Sam is not at all doing any better to our curiosity. Just saying, you know._

Quil: _Jacob! It's about bloody time! I'm shocked Billy even bothered, good to see you nevertheless.~ClareClareClare~_

Sam:_ Jacob! Hurry it up; we've been waiting on your furry butt for 15 minutes, when I say it's urgent it generally means hurry it up! Come on!~EmilyEmilyEmily~_

In saying that, I proceed to the right of Embry and Quil, my wing brothers and my closest buddies. Well they were.. Times are different now.

Paul:_ NOW! Spit it now Sam! What's the news that dragged us all here?~RachelRachelRachel~_

Leah:_ Yeah, better be good Sam,_

Sam: _Oh shut up! Now, if ya'll be quiet.- Right, now, to put it simple and cute; Vampires are on the rise again in Forks.~EmilyEmilyEmily_

Seth: _What? You serious?_

Leah: _This is a joke? Good one Sam._

Sam:_ I wish I was Leah. I sincerely wish I was, because everyone knows that means, I apologise.~EmilyEmilyEmily~_

Jared:_ This is bullshit! Sam, this isn't fair, we have families now! We have change our ways from the last time. I have a two year old and 5 week old!~KimKimKim~_

Embry:_ You don't think it's the red-head Bella told us about, you think she thinks Swan is still alive and finally coming for her?~SkylaSkylaSkyla~_

I flinched at the sound of her name. I over-came repeating her name in my head. When hearing it from another stung at the wound on the heart, burning the rim. The possibility of this bellowed my head in defeat and disgust. This couldn't happen, right?

Embry: _I'm sorry bro._~SkylaSkylaSkyla~__

I replied in silence.

Sam:_ Who knows, but my guts tells me that they have sensed us as well. I smelled their scent on the brinks of the border, as if they pick up wolf and hesitated. That's why I doubt it was Victoria._~EmilyEmilyEmily~__

Colin: _You don't it's the Cullen's do you? You know there are millions of vampires, maybe it's not a real threat, like you said that it only went to the border and vanished, maybe, well you know, there's no threat._

"You don't think it's the Cullen's do you?" It rang in my ears over and over. I lost my focus in my eyes, zoned out, tranquiled in racing beat of my heart, heating up in the cheeks of my face. Edward. Fault. Were the only words that came to thought. Bella, lost all faith in herself, lost her hope and reason when he abandoned her. For four years I've blamed him, resented him.

Sam: _Perhaps, that opens the same door, If were the Cullen's' they would have obeyed the treaty border, explains why._~EmilyEmilyEmily~__


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does Reviews are love 3

Chapter two

I walked back into the house after the eventful pack meeting. My head sure was spinning, not just from shifting but rather of the chance of the Cullen's return. Many emotions arise at just the sound of their name. Anger, wonder, blame and mystery. Who is to know if it was them? But put shortly, if it was, my face will soon seen on their doorstep with some serious questions and a dangerous temper.

I hate that I still feel the need for revenge from them, I wish that I was a somewhat mature 20 year old. I know deeply in my heart, Bella wants me to forgive them. I can't help but want to obey her, but my inner wolf has the instinct to protect her once one in for all. Because in all honestly if the Cullen's simply never existed, means no gravestone and no wolfs, thus assuming Bella by my side as my wife. Easier than breathing. She always did have influence on me, to make me be a better person, even in death, she teaches me, guiding me in moral direction.

The house lights were dimmed and the smell of dust suffocates me, the only sign of existence is the pile of fry pans and stacks of TV dinners from the out-dated kitchen. I rolled my eyes in disgust and disbelief. All I can do is love Dad for who he is, and that sure is messy, Mum was the typical housewife and many more including a security blanket for a little scared toddler boy. Rushing past the tasks screaming at me from the kitchen I scurried to the hall way. I overheard the roaring television from the living room down the hall, the normal football games, no surprise there. I remember those days, when Dad and Charlie used to catch up and watch the marina's get flogged; now they are simply frail traditions. Dad and Charlie hardly speak, perhaps due to Charlie constant cloud of despair.

Many lives changes the morning of December 2nd four years ago, that much I can admit. Charlie is beside himself in grief, I can confirm with all certainty, time will not heal his wounds, likewise for I. He lost his position in the police station at Forks and never leaves his home, for a feels no reason to go anywhere. He explains that you go places for something you want, however Charlie only wants one thing. We are partners in sadness. Time sure have passed since I lasted visited Charlie, perhaps it could be good for him, and me even.

However I do doubt my predications, will it really be good being in Bella's home, seeing all the things she touched, made, photographs of her, the presence of her wherever I stand. For years I have avoided her home, and Charlie, afraid facing him would like looking at a mirror of my future self. I'm starting to think that the longer she's gone, the more far gone I am, like starting to accept that she will never come back that, that's the incurable part. But now is the time, I can't hide from it any more. It's there, I can't deny that Charlie is here and so are her possessions that he failed to pass on. The essence of Bella is still alive there.

"Dad, I'm going out." I yelled shortly, no further explanation was needed.

"Ahh Jacob" Dad called out from the booming living room.

I stopped in my tracks, rolled my eyes behind my head, lacking in adult patience.

"I love you." He called out.

I feel like I've been hit by a tonne of bricks .I frowned in my selfishness and cruelty towards my father. Have I truly been this dark to him this entire time, that he has resorted to this sort of desperation to gain love and reassurance? I want to stab myself, how could I have done this, to my father of all people. Shit, all he did was care, and look after me. I feel sick.

I storm into the living room down the hall, and face him. His face torn with depression, lost in loneliness and sadness. I was all he had now, Rachel despite being back and married to Paul, never visits, claiming that being a mother now deprives her of all her spare time. He was lonely, so so lonely, craving his only son which is too consumed in his own cloud of grieve to notice him. Oh Dad.

I felt a tear escape as I pulled him into my chest. My spare hand reached up to cradle his head to my neck. His warm breath tingled my neck, sense of home swarmed over me.

"I'm so sorry Dad, I love you too."

_3 hours later_

"You like your dinner Charlie?" I said, looking at the frame of Chief Swan, the spirit hidden in its core. It woke him from his distance stare. He winked in preparation.

"Yeah, it was good, thank you Jacob" Charlie answered still half focused outside. Returning back.

Yet again I was stuck in the awkward pauses, where no words are spoken unless forced. However secretly Bella is the only subject in the room, both of us where thinking of her, imagining her. Her name is being screamed from all four walls.

After a few more unbearable minutes, I take off to the washroom. I can't handle another living second. I miss her far too much. Her living room, her kitchen, all rooms she's been in, smiled in. So many memories of her here. So much of Bella is still here it's like she never really left, cruelly playing with the truth in my mind, which hurts more. It bewitches me.

Like I remember the stairs creaked, covered in dust and barely lit, having to falling back on my supernatural wolf eye sight to escort me. The bathroom was directly straight forward off the stairs I recall.

The last step groaned, looking down I noticed a bobby pin under my shoe. Puzzled how it got there I bent to pick it up. Like the rest of the home, it too has its own collection of fluff. Clumsy Bella… How could this still be here from four years ago? Yet again, this house hasn't seen the likes of sunlight or cleaning utensils since.. well. I frowned at how things have ended up. Who knew?

I felt my whole face droop from thinking at how things have ended up and how easy this small piece of metal got me defeated again in Bella's memory. I stared at the ground long enough to notice the small blotch of floor lit by moonlight.

Wait? Moonlight? I faced left and was exposed to the open door of Bella's old room. Bella's room, her curtains pushed aside, the moon beaming alive and mighty through her room. My heart began to race and the pit in my stomach exploded. It was Bella's room. Full of Bella's possessions, the heart of the essence of her. I bet I could even feel her on me from simply standing in there.

This is yet another blow, placing a lighter to the hole in my chest aching for her, scorching the pink flesh that need not heal. Instantly my teeth chomped at my lower lip, wishing I was back at home under my sheets open to cry at this new closeness to her. Despite this my feet had their own mind set, I couldn't stop them, step by step getting closer to her door.

I have more in store I'm sorry not a lot happened in this chapter, but I'm super tired. Trust me, It will get better.

Please review, tell how me how to improve and you want to read! 3


	3. Chapter 3

Hi guys, this is chapter three.

Disclaimer: I do not own in any shape or form have any rights of Twilight.

Summary: Once Edward left during New Moon, Bella never fully recovered, in her depression she committed suicide, leaving Jacob behind. Will Bella live on forever in the life of Jacob or is it time to let her go. No Victoria.

Chapter 3

My heart was bungy jumping within my chest, trying effortlessly to keep it in my body that my jaw began to shake, I was petrified. Of all the places in the world, Bella's essence is more felt here, in her room. The place we found her, the place she took her own life, her secrets and despair swimming in the dust floating above my head.

Her purple sheets remain untouched, just the way she left it. It was her shrine, everything the way Bella left it. The way she intended it, her habits and personality still evident on each item of furniture. Charlie left it unscathed, almost as if he had believe one day she would return.

The moonlight greeting the floor boards, lighting up the entire earth of the room, all four walls glowed. It was now that I weeped. The room was alive again, with the glittering illuminate of the moon. It was a glowing dream, I felt her, present here somehow, and it was just so perfect, indescribable. The mirror glimmered in the corner of my eye. I decided to focus closer to it, perhaps a sign. It reflected to the book case, centered in the shelf was "Romeo and Juliet. "

"_Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die,__take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine"_

Of course. Bella always called me her own personal sun, and she was my moon. It makes sense now. I walked closer to the book case and in each step I started to notice a small black shadow above one her classic blah blahs.

The top of object was covered in dust from side to side. The middle of it stood up, almost like an envelope. I quickly twisted my neck to check if Charlie were not here to witness me touch this object. Everything was sacred, it almost a crime to touch.

The coast was clear. Burning my eyes back to the envelope type object. The dust literally drifted to my feet once I lifted. I flipped it over from side to side. My eyes shocked to discover the envelope had something indeed on the faced down side. My knees wobbled together at once I read as to whom it was addressed.

"_Jacob__"_

I couldn't keep the air in my lungs any further, I exhaled violently. I lost all recollection of my actions, trapped alone in my raging and confused thoughts.

What is this? Why is addressed to me? I'm sure this is Bella's hand writing. Oh Jesus, I can't take this. My heart, it's hurting, a burning ring of fire in each artery, a knife stabbing in my hollow chest, the only brace keeping my body together was my arm around my torso. What does this letter have to say, oh god, I don't want to know. After all these years and now I find this? A suicide note I presume. I feel her, I feel her around me. Her breath on my neck, her soft smooth skins tracing down my forearm. Oh Bella.

Bring me down to my knees. Why did you leave? Why did you leave me? I missed you every day! And it never goes away; it's a constant pain in my chest. I want you, only you, every day. I hear your laugh through my ears, your strawberry shampoo in my nose, your skin on my hands, your lips on my battered lips and your smile with my fooling eyes. Oh Bella, I kept thinking, time heals all wounds. But it doesn't, not this time? Did you even think of me when you did this?

The letter read:

"My dearest Jacob,

I love you, I pray you understand that this is what I want.

Many people believe that to be happy, you have to move on, and forget the past. Not everyone can do that, and I of all people are amongst them.

I wish you to know that I never wanted to leave you, and that I am not abandoning you. I will always be guiding you, making you the great person I know you are. You are my deepest and honest friend and for that I shall love you forever.

I hope that you won't hate me for choosing this fate for myself, but what is a life when you are only going to waste it being unhappy, I hope you can understand. In saying that I hope you can use that in own life, be happy Jacob, for this is the only life we have.

Please believe that I am not leaving you, I will be with you every day.

Bella,

I read it over and over again, a tear with every word written from her hand. It was precious. She never really left. I felt my chest start to shake again, this time uncontrollably. I collapsed to the floor so overwhelmed. My heart was aching, finally finding what it was searching for four years. It was relieve and grieve.

Even though she never left me doesn't mean I still don't miss her.

** my mind switched from human to wolf*


End file.
